It’s hard to be far away from the person you love. Like 25-hours-worth-of-driving far away.
It is a challenge, not only because you miss each other all the time and you have to suffer through choppy service that cuts off your video chat at the worst moment. Not only because you can’t just be around each other on a very regular basis, give a hug on a hard day, go to Mass together every Sunday, have him over for dinner after work when he’s got the energy for nothing more ambitious than a frozen pizza. Not only because you begin to realize the only cure for this is being in the same place–which means someone’s eventually going to have to move from what they know. Not only because each time you get a taste of what it’s like to have that person around in their real presence, the more inadequate (though WAY better than nothing!) a screen version of that presence seems.
It’s all of those things, big and small, and more. It’s a challenge on a lot of levels, some of which we’re still discovering. Patience, trust, surrender. And more patience. But sometimes a challenge is a great thing.
There is a very beautiful part in the long distance that I’ve begun to see. And that is the obvious fact that we are worth this to each other.
We could have been hesitant enough at the difficulties of long distance to not let this relationship start at all; but we both saw something in the other that was more than worth it, that could outgrow and, God willing, long outlast the distance. If the bond we share can stretch across 1500 miles and not snap, but rather grow and thrive, then it is truly a wonderful thing.
There are other gifts hidden behind the surface, too. I’ve been turning the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder” over and over in my head, wondering how true it is. I know for sure that presence always makes my heart grow fonder…Maybe it would be even truer to say that absence makes presence more precious. When there are only days out of a month that we actually get to be with each other, it’s a lot harder to take the other for granted, as we human beings are so inclined to do with those closest to us. It’s a gift to have my eyes constantly reopened to the value of the time I have with him–it is always more fleeting and precious than I realize.
And, as easy as it is to complain about missing him, I can hardly make myself do it when I start thinking about how loneliness was before I had him at all. This isn’t like that at all–he is always here in my heart, even when I can’t see him!
He also does an amazing job of making the distance seem smaller by coming to see me as much as is possible, by letting me take up pretty much all his free time, by thinking of the sweetest ways to let me know he misses me too…and I try my best to return the favor! I don’t hate selfies anymore in the context of sending them to each other…because neither of us really relish taking them (unless it’s of us together!), but do it for the joy it gives the other.
Distance has also been a good help in focusing on honest communication–a crucial thing for any couple, right? Because of the unlikely distance, it’s not like we could beat about the bush too long over what we are hoping for, and we’ve been able to talk through, with peace and a lack of real awkwardness, the big topics that young couples need to talk about when discerning marriage. That straightforwardness is a gift, and one that I think the long distance has a lot to do with.
Even though it’s easy to wonder some days why God had to plant our lives so far apart, I am very grateful for every part of His plan for us. I know that the West has helped make him into the person I love, just as the South has helped shape who I am. I’m very grateful for my family’s patience in living with me when my brain and attention and heart are 99% of the time dwelling across the country…I know for sure that the sacrifices aren’t just asked of him and me!
And what a man, to not be scared off by the distance (even when it meant that our first date was basically him coming to stay with my whole family for a few days!) He is brave, steadfast, and true. I’m so grateful for him–more than I can say.
Please pray for us and our continuing journey!
Ut Cum Electis Videamus 