Being far apart {challenges and graces}

It’s hard to be far away from the person you love. Like 25-hours-worth-of-driving far away.

It is a challenge, not only because you miss each other all the time and you have to suffer through choppy service that cuts off your video chat at the worst moment. Not only because you can’t just be around each other on a very regular basis, give a hug on a hard day, go to Mass together every Sunday, have him over for dinner after work when he’s got the energy for nothing more ambitious than a frozen pizza. Not only because you begin to realize the only cure for this is being in the same place–which means someone’s eventually going to have to move from what they know. Not only because each time you get a taste of what it’s like to have that person around in their real presence, the more inadequate (though WAY better than nothing!) a screen version of that presence seems.

It’s all of those things, big and small, and more. It’s a challenge on a lot of levels, some of which we’re still discovering. Patience, trust, surrender. And more patience. But sometimes a challenge is a great thing.

There is a very beautiful part in the long distance that I’ve begun to see. And that is the obvious fact that we are worth this to each other.

We could have been hesitant enough at the difficulties of long distance to not let this relationship start at all; but we both saw something in the other that was more than worth it, that could outgrow and, God willing, long outlast the distance. If the bond we share can stretch across 1500 miles and not snap, but rather grow and thrive, then it is truly a wonderful thing.

There are other gifts hidden behind the surface, too. I’ve been turning the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder” over and over in my head, wondering how true it is. I know for sure that presence always makes my heart grow fonder…Maybe it would be even truer to say that absence makes presence more precious. When there are only days out of a month that we actually get to be with each other, it’s a lot harder to take the other for granted, as we human beings are so inclined to do with those closest to us. It’s a gift to have my eyes constantly reopened to the value of the time I have with him–it is always more fleeting and precious than I realize.

And, as easy as it is to complain about missing him, I can hardly make myself do it when I start thinking about how loneliness was before I had him at all. This isn’t like that at all–he is always here in my heart, even when I can’t see him!

He also does an amazing job of making the distance seem smaller by coming to see me as much as is possible, by letting me take up pretty much all his free time, by thinking of the sweetest ways to let me know he misses me too…and I try my best to return the favor! I don’t hate selfies anymore in the context of sending them to each other…because neither of us really relish taking them (unless it’s of us together!), but do it for the joy it gives the other.

Distance has also been a good help in focusing on honest communication–a crucial thing for any couple, right? Because of the unlikely distance, it’s not like we could beat about the bush too long over what we are hoping for, and we’ve been able to talk through, with peace and a lack of real awkwardness, the big topics that young couples need to talk about when discerning marriage. That straightforwardness is a gift, and one that I think the long distance has a lot to do with.

Even though it’s easy to wonder some days why God had to plant our lives so far apart, I am very grateful for every part of His plan for us. I know that the West has helped make him into the person I love, just as the South has helped shape who I am. I’m very grateful for my family’s patience in living with me when my brain and attention and heart are 99% of the time dwelling across the country…I know for sure that the sacrifices aren’t just asked of him and me!

And what a man, to not be scared off by the distance (even when it meant that our first date was basically him coming to stay with my whole family for a few days!) He is brave, steadfast, and true. I’m so grateful for him–more than I can say.

Please pray for us and our continuing journey!

 

A Young Lady’s Daybook {July morning}

Today…

…is the feast of St. John Gualbert, Knight turned Abbot after the Good Friday when he converted from revenge to forgiveness towards the murderer of his brother.

St. John captured my heart when I first heard his story, but when I first came across the painting above, it sealed the deal. (I have a particular affection for images of Our Lord embracing saints from the Cross, and this is just beautiful, don’t you think?) He was one of the patrons I asked to intercede for me on behalf of West of Yesterday (one of the first, actually)–for reasons you will understand if you ever read the book! Happy Feast, St. John; pray for us to have the spirit of true mercy!

Today also marks just two weeks and a day from my sister’s upcoming wedding. I have to catch my breath after typing that! What an incredibly full time of life this is, full of work and time slipping by and change and joy and crosses and just everything. It truly is the summertime of our family’s life right now, in blazing heat and color, changing from spring into something fuller and, though not easier or quite as simple, brighter. Just as spring is meant to become summer, blossoms meant to bear fruit…childhood is meant to become this. The growing pains aren’t all easy, but they are all worthwhile. As one chapter ends, another starts…

Outside my window…

Another beautiful, blue-green, hot July day in the South. I’m glad it’s not gray like yesterday! Roses are blooming, pears and apples coming in off the trees (which means lots of chopping and freezing going on…I only cut myself once in the course of putting up 28 cups of pears over the past two days…could be worse…) along with the last of the blueberries. We’ve had our share of wind and weather and power outage this year. Last week I helped my dad fell a dead tree on our property line (translation: I picked up small sticks and stood back and watched him cut, to be sure nothing fell on him and crushed him). I really don’t think there’s anything he couldn’t figure out how to do…he brought it down perfectly without crushing our neighbor’s fence. So cool! I love watching Dad work on things. Being out in the heat with him took me back to a little of my old tomboy self, in my horse riding days, and before my younger brother was old enough to replace me as dad’s tag-along. Good memories!

Home around me…

Well, I’ve been spending a lot less time here at my desk since finishing West of Yesterday, and a lot more time fluttering around doing odds and ends of housework and projects downstairs. It’s been nice to be more present on that level of the house. I have to admit, I’ve still been spending a lot of time curled up with my newly-printed book (my ‘other best friend’ as my sister has termed it!), poring lovingly over the pages and proofreading at the same time. I got a couple copies printed through Lulu recently, with the coolest cover ever, designed by Mary, just for me and family…it came out at 424 pages, and is so delightfully thick! Of course I’ve already found typos to fix, but it doesn’t dampen the joy of finally seeing my book as a book!

Our study room downstairs has changed A) since Mom completely reorganized it a couple weeks ago and B) since Mary moved her computer into it so she could be more present while working away at endless wedding work! It’s been great to walk through and see her more often during the day.

Our bedroom will be undergoing a major renovation before too long as well, when Mary has moved out. My younger sis and I are still musing over paint colors and decor, but I’m looking forward to a fun project together that should be something fun to work on during a transition that won’t be so easy! I’ll always cherish having shared the room with my two sisters for as long as we have 🙂

The garage is turning into a wedding-storage-unit with untold boxes of stuff awaiting the big day…and is also home to a new treadmill, courtesy of our dear grandparents, which has been wonderful to have since our old one gave up the ghost. I still enjoy working out while watching Laramie most mornings…whatever keeps you consistent, right? And working out really does make such a difference in my energy level and overall mood, I’ve got to be consistent.

Coffee, exercise, Laramie…just a good way to start the day!

Thoughts on confidence…

I feel like, of all the things I thought I needed to grow in during my younger girlhood, confidence wasn’t something that really appealed to me as a virtue. I thought of it in a hazy way as something akin to pride, and probably snuffed it out in myself at times in a scrupulous way…or imagined it was something that would just come when I was older and needed it. Adventure and challenge scared me, and if I could back away and refuse, I would. Like any young woman, I wanted safety and security. It just took me a while to understand that the only way to real security is through confidence. A while to understand what confidence really means, and that it can go hand-in-hand with humility, while the ‘safety’ I clung to was really a hiding place for pride.

Jason Craig, founder of Fraternus, was the first person I ever heard break down the word ‘confidence’ to its roots–Latin con and fides, or ‘with faith’. If a man walks into a room with confidence, it means he enters it with faith–faith in who he is in God’s eyes. God’s child. That is how he sees himself, others, and the world at large–with the eyes of faith. Therefore, he is confident, neither insecure nor arrogant. He knows what he is and rests in the love of God.

Wow. Isn’t that wonderful? It’s easy to see, in light of that explanation, how confidence is certainly a virtue worth pursuing.

The past year of my life, I’ve been increasingly made aware of how necessary confidence is on both a spiritual level and a practical one…necessary to growing up into a whole and mature person. And I’ve started to see that it isn’t something that just comes–you have to reach out and take it. Earn it. You learn to do by doing, to love by loving…and you gain confidence in yourself (in the truest, Godly sense) by putting into action that faith that you are loved as a child of God. By challenging yourself and being adventurous, because you already have the ultimate security, and so have nothing to lose, other than your ego. That is where humility and confidence flourish together. It’s a natural, healthy growth, but one that isn’t obvious. Or at least, it wasn’t to me at first!

Learning to dance, spending a week completely removed from my family in a part of the country I’d never seen before, learning to drive, slowly transitioning into the place of the oldest sibling at home…all these things and many other small things have helped the process of cultivating my confidence (especially driving!). It’s still far from complete for me. But I’m really starting to understand how necessary it is…how good the challenging moments of life are, because they are the only place we grow.

Prayerfully…

I have to ask for prayers for my dear grandmother, who is undergoing various health challenges and received a diagnosis this past week that wasn’t easy to hear. We are putting our faith in God’s plan and care…please pray for her and our whole family, as we journey with her through this!

The novena to St. Margaret of Antioch, one of the Fourteen Holy Helpers, began yesterday (sorry to have neglected posting it in better time!) Soon I’ll have St. Christopher, St. Pantaleon…St. Alphonsus…not long after, St. Clare…these novenas are like old friends I remember each summer!

May our Lord cover us with His most Precious Blood in this month of July, and every moment of our lives! I am praying that everything leading up to and surrounding the wedding will be flooded with an abundance of peace and tranquility, and protected from any assaults of the evil one against such a pure and beautiful union!

A parting thought…

“There’s a time to be silent – to build up a reason to sing again.”
-Jon Foreman

I know I usually do saint quotes, but you’ve got to love Jon Foreman, too! He is such an inspiration to me when it comes to writing…in so many ways…and this is an encouraging thought to me as I wait to get back in the wonderful world of being really in the thick of writing a book! I do miss the creative process and always find the start of a story the hardest part. Hopefully it will come soon…I do have one promising idea in the works, so we’ll see!

God bless!
In our Loving Lady,
Lena